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  • How I Nearly Died From Having My Throat Ripped Out by a Demon Before Our Gig on Saturday…True Story

    He was there, for sure, but he had already feasted on some drummer, so he left me alone…for now.

    There are lots of things that can interfere with getting to a gig. There’s rain. Check. There’s figuring out which car you and your girlfriend are going to take and how that’s going to work. Check. There’s forgetting cables that are necessary to safe and normal operation of your gear. Check. There’s the pure work of hauling heavy equipment up and down stairs that should be condemned by the city. Check.

    But, no one ever told me I’d have to brave the fucking supernatural just to play a show!

    So, on Saturday, before our amaze-balls (it’s a word, look it up) gig at Rudyard’s, I was tasked, as we all are before every show, with picking up my gear. Now, we split our rehearsal time between a space downtown and our drummer’s place. In honesty, the downtown space is as much for storage of gear as anything because Frank lives way out 290. And while everyone else lives in their fancy, schmancy houses (they’re so SMUG!), I have an apartment closer to town, so this is easier.

    I’ve rehearsed in this place MANY MANY times over the past 20 years, but I did not know that at some point between the time I last rehearsed there (maybe four years ago) and now, they did away with lights in the hallways at night. They still have lights above each room door, but they are only on if the light inside the room is on like a recording studio and, wouldn’t you know it, no one was home.

    When I got upstairs, the only light was from the freight elevator, which was WAY at the other end of the facility from our room, naturally. When I peered down the hallway, just blackness. I was convinced that when I shined the dim light from my iPhone down the hall, all I would see was a pair of glowing eyes, but they show, as they say, must go on.

    I managed to get a light on in our room, which lit the hallway pretty well. Sure, it was creepy, especially combined with the dark, nasty back stairwell across from the room and the thudding of the dance music emanating from a rave (yes, a RAVE!) around the corner, but it wasn’t bad. When I returned with the dolly after dropping my gear in the car, I knew I was left with one final, long trip down a pitch-black corridor with the rave music pounding in the background.

    Now, tell me that doesn’t sound like a horror movie! Someone should write it and call it, “The Night That the Bass Player Was Eaten by Satan” or something clever like that. Get on that, Hollywood!

    So, like the brave badass I am — imagine Samuel L. Jackson and the Karate Kid when he whopped up on Cobra Kai combined! — I shut off the light and proceeded to run as fast as possible down a hallway without being able to see a single step until I got to the other end. I could have run into a steel support beam or a wall or, of course, a demon, but I blazed like Forrest Gump extricating himself from his leg braces.

    I made it to the gig safe and sound with the only sign of demons being the claw marks down the side of my car and the faint smell of sulfur. Good thing I had that giant wooden cross strapped to the roof of the car. I almost NEVER bring that thing with me. Serendipity, I guess.

  • One Does Not Simply Walk Into Rudyard’s for an Orange Is In Show

    In case you missed the date or the hundred updates on Facebook, we’re playing a show this Saturday at Rudyard’s in Houston. Better yet, we convinced them to get us started at 9:30 — technically, LL Cooper goes at 9:30, we hit the stage about an hour after that, but still.

    As .38 Special said in the video below, “Rock and roll never hurt nobody,” which is why we, like .38 will be rockin’ into the night…rockin’ into the night.

    Don’t believe us? Show up and find out, Jack! Here’s the event notice on Facebook if you’re into that sort of social media thing.

  • How Do You Rock a Million Faces…or How to Rock Your Own Face Off September 15

    Bon Jovi supposedly rocked a million faces. We will rock as many as possible.

    It’s been a long, hot, wet, moist…no, not moist, never moist…summer in Houston as usual. We could sit here and talk about weather all day — seriously, we totally could! — but summer is coming to a close and we are sending it out in style with a gig. Normally, we’d offer summer a fancy cocktail and perhaps an elegant meal with fancy china, but we’ve decided this year that style means loud guitars, face-melting guitar solos and enough Jager bombs to forget the name of your children.

    On Saturday, September 15, we’ll be doing all of the above at Rudyard’s (2010 Waugh) starting at 10pm with our very special guests LL Cooper and TC5.

    Sure, you COULD go wait in line to ride some stupid water slide at the Schlitterbahn or sit on East Beach with all the other drunk hooligans…or you could rock your flip flops off with us. We recommend bikinis for the ladies, but that’s your call.

    Oh, and if you are on Facebook — who isn’t? — you can check out the event page. And if you haven’t liked us already, seriously, dude, WTF?

  • Going Back to Cali SXSW…Yo, I Totally Think So

    Ryan Gosling went to Fun Fun Fun Fest. Could he be at SXSW? A girl can dream!

    There’s something about the annual South by Southwest music, film and nerd festivals. To quote Agent Smith from the Matrix, “It’s the smell.” Ok, it’s only partially the smell. Mostly, it’s the smell of music! HO HO!

    Once again, we will take our caravan of anti-hipsters up 290 and/or 71 — depending on if you prefer the Dairy Queen in Giddings or Hruska’s in Ellinger…mmmm, Hruska’s — to our state capital in March to play during the annual festival and claim glory in the form of Home Slice Pizza.

    We’ve played this particular showcase twice in the past and it has always been fun. The showcase itself is at Guero’s, which is pretty good Tex Mex, but even better Tex ROCK! What?

    Assuming it doesn’t rain — with the way the drought has been the last year, there’s a better chance of a wildfire breaking out on South Congress (or in our pants…HEY OH!) than a thunderstorm — we’ll be on that outdoor stage on at 8:30pm on Saturday, March 17. (underlined and bolded because this whole post makes no sense and we want you to have the details about this actual show that is happening) Not a bad time slot either.

    There are a bazillion (actual number) bands playing over that weeks worth of events. One we want to see is The Akabane Vulgers on Strong Bypass, a Japanese all-girl band that, in the photo below, look like something out of The Ring. A co-worker of mine, when seeing the photo, simply asked, “Why do they look all wet?” We don’t know. Maybe for Ryan Gosling…ahem.

    Also, the name sounds like an American movie title translated into Japanese and back into English. It’s like The Tourist came back after translation as Putrefaction Jolly Rancher, which totally makes sense.

    Anyway, while you’re in Austin catching The Akabane Vulgers on Strong Bypass, be sure to swing by Guero’s, have a taco and watch some live ass kicking rock and roll. Konichiwa.

  • Chris Gray Benefit Show This Saturday at Continental Club

    Ok, it’s been a little while since we last spoke. We have a tendency to be a little lazy sometimes. Maybe it’s the drought. You can’t say it’s not. YOU DON’T KNOW!!!

    Anyway, we’re back, baby, and this weekend we are participating in a very special Blossom benefit concert along with 49 other great local bands. For the last two months plus, I’ve (Jeff) been filling in for Houston Press Music Editor Chris Gray editing the Rocks Off blog because Chris had a heart attack. It’s frankly a miracle the guy survived, but he’s doing GREAT and will soon be back working.

    Even with insurance, his medical bills are mounting and he needs help. Chris is a friend and a guy who has done a tremendous amount for the local music scene over the years. He deserves our respect. He certainly has mine.

    This benefit isn’t some lame three or four bands jamming for nickels. This is a full blown day-long party featuring some of the best bands in Houston, a MOUNTAIN of killer silent auction items (hands off that signed Steve Earle poster or I’ll cut a bitch!) and a performance by Houston native and alt-country ass kicker Hayes Carll.

    We’re going on a 4 p.m. on the Continental Club stage, but the whole thing starts at 10 a.m. with breakfast with the Allen Oldies Band. Carll is on two slots after us and the whole thing is gonna kick freaking ass.

    You can get more information on the whole deal here and here. Even if you can’t go, please consider donating to the cause, which you can do on the website.

    See you at the show!!!

  • Fold Your Arms and Say YEAH! Rudz Show This Saturday Just for You, Hipster Boy (or, preferably, Girl…rawr)

    Everyone who comes to Rudz Saturday gets a free American Apparel model! (or something else, like an STD)

    Oh, hipsters, how we love your giant, plastic glasses, your terribly skinny jeans and you’re apathetic attitude towards everything. It’s as refreshing as a pair of giant eagles wings tattooed across your chest.

    This Saturday, we’ll be in the center of hipsterdom (in Houston, anyway), the fab-u-lous, crime-free Montrose at the venerable pub, Rudyard’s (2010 Waugh Drive) with the very talented Lee Alexander and awesome singer/songwriter, Shelia Swift.

    Lee goes on around 10pm followed by us at around 11:30 and Shelia at around 12:45.

    Look, we know you’re old and that you like to have your supper around 5pm, watch Matlock and then catch the Carson monologue before heading off to your trundle bed, but sometimes you just have to sacrifice for the greater good. So, pop a few Geritol, drink a cup of that black sludge you call coffee and pedal your ancient booty down to the ‘Trose to hear some ass-kicking live music.

    You might want to throw a few Viagra into your mashed potatoes too, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

    Here’s the Facebook invite if you are on one of those new fangled social network thingys. See you there, Methuselah (look it up).

  • Hot Time, Festival in the City or South by WTF

    Just like Usher, when we saw this, we were like OH MY GAWD!

    It’s that time of year again when every musician, hipster and wannabe (does anyone really WANT to be a hipster?) descends upon Austin for the sweaty, grimy, clusterfuck that is South by Southwest. While we have never played an official showcase, we have played during the weekend for a side showcase (there are about 10 times as many unofficial showcases as official one’s) and we’re back again this year for the Live Music Records showcase at Guero’s.

    We go on at noon right before fellow Houstonian, Tody Castillo, and play a typically brief thirty-minute set. Should be fun. You should go.

    In addition, Houston is often host to what are normally referred to as “overflow” shows. Bands from around the country visiting Austin during SXSW want to play other locales in our fine state and Houston sometimes qualifies. The end result is a couple weeks of really weird band names playing at venues that normally host puppet shows or blues bands or puppets that play the blues, which is probably the most awesome thing of all.

    One of the more well organized variety of overflow shows is the South by Due East (get it?) festival run by lovable and funk-tastic New Jack Hippie Guy Schwartz. Guy has always been good to the band and invites us each year without fail to perform at the show held at Dan Electro’s Guitar Bar in the kickass Houston Heights (represent the 008, what WHAT?).

    This year, we’ll be there at 8pm on Sunday, March 13. It should make for an excellent warm up for the trip to Austin and the SXDE is always well run, so come out and enjoy a Sunday funday in the hood, yo.

    And don’t forget…the legit will make you lactate…lactate…

  • Hippies, Hula Hoops and Musack…All This and Andy Rooney Friday, February 18

    Well, we survived Ice Fright 2011 and now it is time for Hippies vs. Rock and Roll, the Showdown in Downtown!

    In short, we’re playing Last Concert Cafe, that bastion of all things Mexican food and hippietastic, next Friday, February 18 with Governor’s Chair. We go on around 9:30pm and play for probably 45 minutes or so. Since you were deprived of our awesomeness last week, this is your chance to find peace and solace in the arms of guitars so loud, they’ll melt your soul.

    That might be an overstatement, but you won’t know unless you show up!

    Get the details on our show page, right freaking now!

  • The Day the Music Temporarily Died: Show Canceled Tonight

    Houston's Ice-tastrophe 2011: A Mother Nature Joint (dramatization)

    The ice storm that killed your hopes and dreams has apparently destroyed our show as well. Bohemeo’s called and said they’ll be closing at 6pm, so, unless we can bend space time (not yet – damn you, Stephen Hawking!), we aren’t playing to night.

    Please don’t weep as your tears will turn to ice and, also, we’ll be playing again in two weeks at Last Concert Cafe and in a month at Rudyard’s.

    So, buck up there, little buddies, and hunker down tonight. Sure, there won’t be ice on the roads like last night, but who cares? If you can’t be out partying with us, you may as well stay home and get yo freak on. What WHAT?

  • New Drummer & Spate of Upcoming Shows Including SXSW (We Just Like Saying “Spate”)

    Fat guy in a little boat...yeah, we went there.

    We’re back…

    Did you miss us? Aw, you’re cute.

    After much weeping, wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth (mostly by George as he’s a real gnasher), we have managed to emerge from the ashes like a burning phoenix riding a Harley Davidson powered by jet fuel and covered in…wait, what was I saying?

    Anyway, we’ve got a new drummer – Joe Earthman. He’s been playing around town for years and has been a drummer here as well (ba dum dum), which is good since that’s a key ingredient to playing drums. You might have seen him with the Allen Oldies Band or Governor’s Chair or just hanging around being pimp because that’s how he rolls.

    We’ve been rehearsing like mad fools the last couple months and, just like that, have lined up a butt-ton of gigs including our second appearance at the Live Music Records South by Southwest showcase. You’ll find us hunkered amongst the hipsters trying to avoid catching the disease that causes the sufferer to wear guyliner and skinny jeans. Shudder.

    Next up is Bohemeo’s this Friday. It’s supposed to snow – this is HOUSTON, God, not Buffalo! – but that won’t stop us. Like postal workers, we aren’t deterred by weather and we always pack heat. Ahem. It’s an early show, so don’t go get hammered and show up around 10 demanding to hear rock and roll and claiming anyone who plays earlier than that is a pussy. We can’t take you anywhere!

    After that, a show at Last Concert, then back to Rudyard’s and a stop at the South by Due East festival here in Houston before heading northwest to Austin. We’re busy, people!

    We’d love to see you out at a show or two or all of them. You’re so damn dedicated and we love you for it. Come here, you. Give us a hug!

    By the way, if you aren’t a fan on Facebook or don’t follow us on Twitter, my GOD man, what is wrong with you. Do it! Do it! DOOOO EEEEET!